Day 47: Patterns

I noticed a pattern this week. I didn't post my gratitude yesterday for the second time this project. The last time I did this (or didn't do it rather) was last Friday. So that leaves me to wonder, what's the deal with Fridays...?

I will say the past two weeks have been extremely busy. As I have been known to say, I suffer from jack-of-all-trades syndrome. So though I am busy, everyone else is too so it's not really much of an excuse. But I'm busy with a ton of different things, which makes the business pile high and wide.

Good thing I have self-compassion to pick things up where I am at and move on...gratitude must continue!

Day 46: All Too Much

I love it when one of our regular open mic-ers goes up to the mic and plays my favorite song of there's without me even having to ask.

Tonight, Barry did just that. Barry's been coming to the open mic for a years now. Though he had been on a hiatus for a bit, this was his second week back and we are glad to have him. About a year and a half ago, he turned me onto a fabulous George Harrison song, called, "All Too Much." I have written about this song before, but I will do it again. 

In less words, I will just say that I hear this song and feel relieved to know that someone else feels the same way I do. I feel it characterizes both the beauty and despair of the spiritual life.

See what you think:

Day 45: Surprise Dinner Party

Last week my roommate and I made plans to have dinner with a mutual friend we hadn't seen in months. When we were going back and forth on what to make, I just said at one point that I'd handle it. I was off of work in the afternoon and really just felt like making a bunch of food. It turns out a friend of our other roommate's was coming over too, and so we had ourselves a mini-party.

I made salad, guacamole, fish, and rice (with help from the roommates), we played surrealist word games, talked about our trips over the summer, and had a great exchange of ideas and experiences. I feel so enriched, by food and company.

Its the simplicity of evenings like this that make me ecstatic just to be alive.

Day 44: La La La...

I've been singing songs lately. Not that me singing songs is out of the ordinary, but it seems to be occurring with greater frequency. Mostly it's random melodies containing mostly "la"s, but I will find myself doing it everywhere: work (in between clients, not during their sessions), home, out at the grocery if I don't watch myself. I've started to notice it and wonder what it means.

I know what it means: I'M HAPPY. One does not walk around singing happy little songs to themselves when they are depressed. When I hear myself now I just smile wider because I know it means I feel good and if there are others around it means I hope to spread the happiness. Now I do hope I walk the fine line between happy and annoying, and that if I cross it, someone would let me know. Until then, I'll just keep singing. 

Day 43: An Upgrade

Ever since I moved to my office a year ago, I have not been able to make a phone call from my cell phone (which is also my business phone) from inside the building. It has been incredibly inconvenient, resulted in many dropped calls and caused me to talk very close to the nearest window, which was often in another room. One of my other office mates had the same issue but switched carriers a month in. I was holding on for as long as I can.

So my phone started to break down in other ways recently, and I decided to take the opportunity to upgrade my phone and change carriers.  My dad offered to cover the cost of a new phone for my birthday and that's the part I am most grateful for. I wouldn't have gotten something so nice for myself, but took his phone recommendation and am happy with the result. It will even let me take some better pictures for this project. Super plus. I am blessed.

Day 42: I Love Yous

My yoga teacher recommended I integrate my daily gratitude with my daily yoga practice. He said fill my heart with the gratitude I feel for your daily gratitude for the day, with each breath. So today I was about to begin my yoga practice and I hadn't yet decided on what I was going to post as my gratitude for the day. Then, just like that, the answer came.

My friend that I hadn't talked to in a while called, so I decided to answer it. We spent about 10 minutes catching up and he ended the call the same way he does every time we part; he said, "I love you."

Most often I've shared those words with my parents, when parting in person or on the phone, and also some family. I also share those words with my boyfriend and a few close friends. Only recently have I started to cherish it more and more each time.

It seems like more of my friends have initiated "I love you"s within the past few years. Maybe its that I'm older and have known more people longer, or we are all more mature and know that "I love you" doesn't = "I want to have sex with you," or I'm surrounding myself with more loving people. Maybe, shmaybe, I don't really care what it is, I just want to say I love it.

Recently I initiated "I love you" with someone I feel close with but had never spoke the words in person. It felt amazing. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. <3

Day 41: Self-Compassion

So I missed posting my gratitude yesterday. I made up for it today so I am still on track but broke my posting-everyday-streak.

And I'm totally okay with that.

It's funny, we talked in my yoga teacher training class today about reciting mantras as a practice and how typically you want to do a practice for 40 days. I've heard elsewhere that if you break a practice, you should start again. I think it is funny that I broke this practice on the 40th day, but I feel it is a good thing I signed up for 101 because as far as 40 days are concerned, I've got 40 (plus 21) more days to get it right.

The truth is that it probably doesn't matter to anyone else whether or not I post everyday. So if I get upset about it, it's just about me. If I have compassion about it, I can move on and have gratitude for that. I'll go with that route.

Day 40: Acupuncture

Technically this should have been posted yesterday but who's counting?

Yesterday I received my first acupuncture treatment in months. I have this great friend who is also a great acupuncturist and the only person I let put needles all over my body. Her name is Dr. Becky Rubright and she is the owner of Living Harmony Healing Center in Seminole Heights.

Dr. Becky listened to me talk about where I'm at right now and we both decided that a "tree of life pattern" was the best option for me. Becky's approach to acupuncture incorporates sacred geometry and knowledge of the chakras.  For a metaphorical metaphysicist like me, this is perfect. We used my session to encourage my growth in all spheres of my life.

It was just what I needed!

Day 39: A Successful Open Mic

Over four years ago, my friend Penny and I decided we wanted to start an open mic, a place where people could come and share their thoughts, their crafts, and themselves in a supportive environment.  Luckily for us,  a good friend of ours had just opened a Cafe Hey and did not have an open mic night yet. So on May 28th, 2008, the Open Mic at Cafe Hey was born.

With the exception of a handful of nights, we've held open mic at Cafe Hey every Thursday night since. It's gone through many evolutions but one thing stays the same: Anyone is free to share whatever they want. It is amazing to see what unfolds in a space like that.

I've said for a few years that I would like to write the book on open mic. Maybe I will, but until then I will just keep sharing and be thankful to those who share too.

Oh yeah, and we won Best of the Bay from Creative Loafing for the second year in a row this week! That's quite a feat because I don't think any of us voted. At least some others did!

Day 38: Completion

I start a lot of projects but complete only a few. So when I do it feels SO good. 

There have been a few things this week that have come to completion and I am feeling great about it. Though completion means the end of something, it also means the beginning of another. Life doesn't stay empty for long.  I'm working on getting more to the completion part and allowing what emerges after to come naturally. 

Less force. More grace. 

Day 37: Wood Floors

I came home to dog poop on the floor. That is no fun for anyone. Well, my dog seems ambivalent about it, actually a little joyful. She's had dinner now and a well over-due trip outside. She keeps smiling at me. I'm annoyed.

After I cleaned up and lit some incense to help get the smell out, my roommate and her boyfriend came home. I explained what happened and he said, "At least you don't have carpet." Ahhh...perspective. It's true, clean-up would have been a lot worse. I'd still be scrubbing but instead I'm writing about how I found gratitude even in dog poop.

I think this project is working.

Day 36: Reading in the Morning

Last night I was reading in my journal about how much I miss reading in the morning. I still do! When I was in school and had class in the afternoon or a day off, I would start my day with reading.  Most often it was stuff for school, but I loved it! I've come to realize those were really special times.

I had my ritual of fixing breakfast, then a cup of coffee and finding that space on the couch or maybe outside where I would sit for the next hour or two reading through my assigments for the day.  I loved being there with my thoughts, journal nearby in case anything started to churn. I'd occationally gaze out the window and assimilate what I had just read.

This morning I had a little bit of time before I had to leave and I thought, "Ah! I can read!" I only spent about 15 minutes on the couch but it was fabulous. It really helped to center my day, not feeling like I had to rush out, and just being with my thoughts...its the simple things that I don't want to miss!

Day 35: Hand-me-down Clothes

I am proud to say that many of my clothes, especially the ones that I wear often, are hand-me-downs. That means, I didn't pay a cent for them. Sure, I do go shopping every once in a while.  And when I do it is mostly for work clothes. But for the most part I am happy to be the recipient of the garbage bags of garments that result from spring cleaning.  Whatever I don't take, I share with my roommates or other female friends, or take to donate. It's really been great on my budget and I end up learning that I like things I wouldn't have bought for myself.

So next time you think, "I don't have anything to wear," maybe ask your friends if they need to clean our their closet.

Day 34: Deb!

Today I had to say "See Ya Later" ("good bye" just makes me sad) to a great friend of mine, Deb Muller. Tomorrow morning she embarks on a journey to travel, work, and discover. Her and her girlfriend, Cricky, have found new homes for most of their possessions, tied up their loose ends in Tampa, and have been asking themselves what they really what to experience in this life. So they are leaving everything they know to explore their passions. We all can take inspiration from that.

Deb has been instrumental in my yoga practice the past year and a half.  When we first started to become friends she had just finished her yoga teacher training and really encouraged me to take that step in my life.  She introduced me to LeShan, the teacher I am now working with, and supported me in my slow journey to beginning the training. Deb's yoga classes have been some of my favorite to attend and have helped me a lot in my practice.

But also Deb is a friend in the truest sense of the word. Maybe its the yoga, maybe it's just who she is, and probably a little bit of both. She is one of the few people that I feel really knows how to listen.  Knowing that people like Deb are out in the world (even if it's out in the world away from where I am), I feel things are going to be okay.

Deb and Cricky started a blog to share on as they journey. Check out The Farmer and the Yogi. Follow them. Love them. I know I will!

Day 33: My Practice

The past few days have presented me with a few challenging situations in which my mindfulness practice has become invaluable. All in all, things are great.  There is really one incident in particular that has been calling for way more of my mental attention it deserves. Being able to focus on what I am doing instead of steaming in what I should say now or should've done before is what is getting me through it. And without the mindfulness, I would have already said things I shouldn't. So instead, I am being with the amazement of another person's "stuff" and how they want to place it on me.  Being with the amazement of it doesn't mean I am wearing it. It just means I am working on my compassion and being thankful for this opportunity to learn how other people like to wear their "stuff" accumulated in this like. I'm thankful I can recognize what is under the surface without being pulled under also. My practice is my life raft.

This is why we meditate and do yoga. When we practice being with what is when 'what is' is fairly neutral, then we are more like to be with what is when it is freaking crazy.

Day 32: My Job

I don't think I posted this gratitude exactly yet, but it was coming. I've said it before and I will say it again:

I LOVE MY JOB!!!

This is what I did at work today:

First I saw a client who is recovering from a concussion.  He has been seeing me every week for therapeutic bodywork, which has been fun because I have been experimenting with various techniques and approaches. Today I incorporated vibrational healing from a Tibetan Bowl and a chime, both with sounds that evoke the sacred space within. After the session he said that it was the best session he's had so far. Yeah!

Then I saw my weekly Traumatic Brain Injury client. I've wrote about him before on the Upward Spiral blog.  Though his movement and communication is limited, we've worked together so much that I feel a fond friendship with him. Today when he came in he said hi to me for the first time. It may not have sounded like that to someone else, but I heard him. For an hour I got to help him feel relaxed in his body that he may often otherwise feel trapped in.  I even got some good laughs from him in sharing some funny stories.  He may not say much but he sure loves to laugh.

Last I saw a client that came to me originally for physical pain and in that we've found other emotional traumas that were tied up with it. We had a long discussion about where she's at and where she'd like to be. She left saying that it was like counseling and massage all-in-one place, and that she feels like she can get through the rough road she's been traveling. We brought in some light where there was darkness. To top it all off, we helped make significant difference in her chronic pain.

And I get paid for all of this!  That's just the icing on the cake of transformation. More please!

Day 31: Tea + Meditation

Yay! Those in attendance to tonight's first ever Tea + Meditation event at Kaleisia Tea Lounge may not have known this but I was a little nervous leading up to this event. Of course, I KNEW it would go great but it was a new experience that I was in charge of and that's a little bit nerve racking. This is the first time I led a meditation event (I've done meditation/mindfulness within other events, but not where it was the event itself) and like when we do anything new, I was a bit unsure of how it would go. I mean, I had 21 people's internal world in my hands. I didn't want to let them down.

So I am proud to say it was a success! We had a few glitches, but that is to be expected and will make it better next time (which will be October 10th).

We all shared "one pot, one moment," and practiced cherishing the moments, our breath, as the breezed by. Even though I was leading it, I caught the vibe too and felt GREAT afterwards. Already looking forward to next time...

Day 30: Call to Action

Last year on the 10th anniversary of the events on September 11th, I posted about how this event has a lot to do with why I am a massage therapist.  I spent several weeks in late 2001 and early 2002 in NYC working with a volunteer massage team.  My mom had gone up a month before and got the call to start the United Aromatherapy Effort. In addition in chair massage provided by at least 20 different therapists from all over the country and beyond, we also collected and disseminated aromatherapy supplies. Here is a video slideshow of pictures from our trips.

UAEvideo

More PowerPoint presentations from sylla

I can't find words to describe how this changed my life. Suffice it to say I am infinitely grateful for a grand opportunity to help others in need and feel the motivating fire that lights the human spirit.  

Day 29: Perspective

Sometimes all you need is a little perspective. Perspective is like gratitude; once you start to acknowledge it, it pops up everywhere.

I had several moments today where a little shift in my perspective transformed my emotional outlook. The more I try to think of examples, the more I see that my whole day was a bunch of new perspectives. Visiting the dentist, listening to stories from clients, visiting Kaleisia's new tea room (where we will hold Tea + Meditation this Wednesday), stories from my roommate's trip to Malaysia, the longest phone wait I've had trying to contact my credit card company.  Each experience gave me a new perspective on some aspect of my life. Today will affect how I view tomorrow, the combination of which will affect the day after.

Now I realize that I can view each day as an opportunity to see the world differently.  I wonder what tomorrow may show me?

Day 28: Rainy Sunday Mornings

The past few weeks I have been working on willing myself to be a morning person.  I'm halfway there. I love morning time. When I am up for it I enjoy the slowly brightening day and my stirring mind, an easy transition into the day.

But I'm not consistently there yet.  I stay up too late and am so comfy in the morning, it's difficult to get up and going. I am happy to say I was successful with getting up way earlier than my usual time without an alarm yesterday morning. It was fabulous! More please, I thought to myself.

This morning was a whole different story. I woke up to the gentle light of a rainy morning, the sound calming my consciousness, and didn't even worry about what time is was or was not. Usually immediately upon awakening, I am churning through my to-dos and strategizing from the get-go. This can create an almost traumatic emergence from sleep and generally stresses me out if I don't watch it.

So when I awoke to the soft tap of rain drops and a sunrise of cloudy skies, it only seemed right to enjoy some Sunday morning time just laying in bed. Spending the first 20 minutes of my day just enjoying where I was at helped set the feeling for the rest of my day. It makes me think I should do that more often, rain or shine.

Nature is teaching me right.

Day 27: Saturday Afternoon

I was supposed to be working until 5 or 6pm today but by about noon my 3 o'clock client canceled. Though I would prefer the income, getting to enjoy an unexpected Saturday afternoon at home is almost just as good. Saturday afternoon feels kinda like Monday morning in that it has so much potential, but in almost the opposite way. The potential is more of relaxation than production.  It makes me feel like I have plenty of time to still enjoy today and more to look forward to tomorrow. Even though my schedule varies from the typical M-F 9-5, weekends still have a weekend feel.  And when weekends get to be enjoyed as weekends, the feeling is oh so good.

Day 26: This Breath

Today was a little more emotional than usual. First off, over the past week my grandmother has been slipping farther into her transition from this earth. At least that's how I am thinking of it. Another interpretation is to say her dementia is getting worse and she has shown that she needs more care than we thought last week. This is the first time I have witnessed something like this and there is a range of emotion that goes with it. Even though this would have been a true statement before it has more weight now: My grandmother as I knew her is fading away.  This realization just sort of hit me last night.

Maybe that had something to do with the crazy-ass dream I had last night? I woke up realizing that I had dreamed all night.  It was like a very long movie in which I was starring as one of the victims in a very sick psychological thriller. I won't go into the details, but I will say I was creeped out most of the morning.

What got my through my day was simple: my breath. Being able to just return back to my present moment through tuning into one of my most essential actions, breathing, was all I needed to get me out of that hectic head space.  When I look around at what's in front of me, instead of wallow in the mind-stuff, I see the wonderfulness that is my life and am able to focus at my tasks at hand.

I know that it is also important to take some time out for the things that deeply affect me. Breathing is getting me through that too.

Day 25: The Tea Lounge

I think it was back in 2006 that I starting to come to this new tea lounge on Fletcher Ave. My roommate at the time introduced me to Kaleisia and I was hooked. Even after my first few times in the tea-ristas knew my name and what I had already decided was my favorite (rose black tea with jasmine green, iced, if you were wondering...).  I didn't know it then but this place would become central to my Tampa life.

The original mission of the owners, Kim and Lan, was to create a place of community.  I think it is fair to say mission completed. I know for a fact many friendships have started here, groups have formed, ideas have been shared, and there has probably been a few who have fallen in love over quality tea. But it is not the tea that's the best part, although they do this very well. Its the space they create.

In fact, they create space so well, they've recently kicked it up a notch. About a month ago, they unveiled their new location with more space including a larger and more private patio and a Japanese tea room.

And it really isn't the space itself that is so great, it's what it is filled with. In everything that kaleisia does, first and formost, is consideration of the community and how they can enrich it. They aren't in this business to make money. Their in it to make the world a better place and they do, one cup at a time.

Day 24: My Unfolding Journey

Yesterday I got a taste of my own medicine.

Long story short, there is more to cranial work than what I learned in SET training. The unwinding of the spiral pattern in the body is crucial to our SET treatments and the way we've been taught to unwind the cranium is effective, but I see now there is more to the story.

My teacher, Don McCann, learned his cranial work from Dallas Hancock. Don did an incredible job at integrating the cranial work with releases in the soft tissues as well as awareness of the emotional components; all SET therapists are indebted to him for this contribution.  But now several SET therapists have gone on to learn the cranial work by Dallas, our teacher's teacher, and I am lucky enough to get to work with one of them.

Dallas's main contribution to cranial releases is what he calls the Master Release.  This release is very similar to what every client that come to me for SET receives on their first treatment, but there is more to it.  In our sessions we spend about 30 minutes on the cranium and 60 on the body; Dallas spends the entire 90 minutes on the cranium.  It makes me wonder what we are missing.

So yesterday it was my turn to be worked on in our office trades and I wanted to experience this complete Master Release.  My therapist released sutures on my head, face and mouth that I hadn't experienced before and I could feel my body letting go in new ways.  After the session I felt both lighter and more grounded, though a bit wobbly as I felt the spiraling energy release out of me.

I feel that this is a turning point in my life.  I am ready to be fully in the world, share all that I have to share.  My focus now is on embodying my own potential and travel this upward spiral that I keep talking about.  In just the past 24 hours since the cranial session, I feel like I am more confident in who I am and feel more free to be just who I am.

I thought I was already fairly good at this but it just goes to show that there is always more to the story. I must continue on my own healing journey if I want to help more people. There's no turning back now.

Day 23: A Supportive Workplace

When I go into work in the morning, I don't have much to complain about. I mean, I get to do a job that I love in a beautiful space with other people that also love what they do.  A year ago, I moved from one beautiful space shared with someone else who loves what they do (if you don't know about Living Harmony Healing Center, check it out!) to the place I am at now.  I had an opportunity to share space with my mentor in an office that had room for classes and future growth so I took it. We shared the space with two other therapists and had our ears open for another health care professional that would like the remaining room in the office.  We didn't actively look for anyone and good thing! A few months ago three mental health therapists visited the complex looking for a space to rent. As soon as they walked in the door, we knew they were the perfect fit.

The energy has gotten brighter in the office.  We were excited about the possibilities of our growth as therapists before but now its amplified. I get to go into work knowing that there are others there also following their passion.  That is good company.

Day 22: Roommates!

I have been blessed with some wonderful roommates over the years.  I've previously expressed my joy in living with my roommate of three years.  We've recently added a third roommate who I think will fit in with us just fine.

Tonight I had my first dinner with the roommates. Our newest roommate moved in a week ago, but this was the first night that we were all together.  We discussed our goals for the rest of the year with the intention that we will help keep each other more accountable. We are creating a supportive space for us all to grow and I'm excited to see what will emerge.

Day 21: Old Friends

I am so thankful for all those friends that I've known for a long time.  All the people that knew me "back then."  Before degrees and a career, before I could drink or drive.  I'm getting older so that's becoming some time ago.  It's still surprising to realize I graduated high school almost 10 years ago.

Old friends help keep those good times alive. I love how even if we don't spend time together often, when we do it is like returning home.  Though they may have grown in who they are, there's always that spark of familiarity, and often also great joy in seeing how they've become more of themselves.

Day 20: Beach Time!

When my cousin Julia got married on the beach in Cocoa my parents and I stayed in a hotel on the beach for a few days.  It was such a great vacation for us we decided we should make it a regular trip. That was back in 1997 and we've visited Cocoa Beach at least once a year since then.

A few years into our annual vacation, my parents ended up spending a rainy afternoon listening to a sales pitch for a timeshare on the beach. We had gone out to breakfast that morning at Denny's and there was a rep there offering $100 for anyone who would come listen to their presentation. Well it must have been a good pitch because my dad decided to make the investment.

We've now had the timeshare for over 10 years and it is one of my favorite places to be. I am thankful for that rainy day that set the fate for my annual beach vacations to come. You never know how the weather may change your life.