Immersion

So, I have begun a yoga teacher training and will be heavily immersed in the study of yoga for the next 6 months...and probably the rest of my life.  Part of the program is to keep a journal of our experiences; though I will be keeping a written journal as well I hope to use this platform to share some of what I learn.  I believe that what I discover will be humbling, enlightening, and centering, with surely some struggle and resistance mixed in.  But hopefully in revealing some of that here, I can help inspire others to immerse themselves within.

A few weeks ago I committed myself to going to as many yoga classes as possible. In our program we are encouraged to attend as many different classes/locations/teachers as we can. Even if we don't like a teacher or type of class, we should try it again see if its different, learning more about what is important to us in practice. Also, we will use all of our learning to deepen our own personal practices.

Currently, I am still working on integrating my own yoga practice into my free time at home, but I see ways in which I am doing a form of yoga everyday. I also know that yoga is much more than doing the physical postures and breathing exercises. They help, a lot, but help what? Help me to stay more firmly in my centered space, feel less hurried, have less of a need to get, do, want, and encourage love love love.

I am exstatic to be taking the time to delve into the deeper level of yoga practice and learn more about who I am. 

Observations

So, it's been over a week since I have posted even though I set the intention to post everyday. This is a typical pattern for when I have set intentions to do something daily. I'm adamant then more casual which slowly slips into forgetting I set an intention at all. Well, I want to try breaking that.

Its not that I haven't had things to write about, there are things everyday. It is more about making myself sit at the computer and type, not worrying about what others may think of what I write.  If that is an issue for me, why write on a public blog?  I like the exercise in letting go of what others think and just be myself. I believe this is good work.  This kind of exposure and introspection is what I hope to encourage in others through my business so I also feel that it might be helpful for some to see that I do it too.  Plus, it makes me continue to do my inner work, a necessary element in being able to effectively inspire inner work for others.

So let me get back on the wagon...or is it off the wagon? I can never remember...

4am

Bizarre co-incidences...and a whole lot of research.  What is the deal with 4am?

Hunger

Last night I went to see "The Hunger Games" - though I think I need to let my thoughts on the film settle a bit more before I reflect on it, I was reminded of one of my favorite Billy Collins poems. We used to have to on the fridge, but I notice it has disappeared. Maybe someone got hungry?

Hunger

The fox you lug over your shoulder
in a dark sack
has cut a hole with a knife
and escaped.

The sudden lightness makes you think
you are stronger
as you walk back to your small cottage
through a forest that covers the world.


-Billy Collins

Happy

While on our way to yoga this evening, my roommate and I saw this sign on the corner of Busch and Nebraska and I had to capture it in a picture.

The sign reads, "Happy Morther Day," with a happy little smiley face.  When I first saw it I was startled by a sign that wasn't advertising a house for sale or small business. I mean, how often do we see signs displaying positive messages and nothing else?  But then I looked closer and saw that it didn't quite read "Mother's Day" as we might expect. There seems to be a stowaway R and lack of a possessive S or apostrophe.  And yet, I can't help but feel that the person who made this was unaware of the divergence of the traditional message of today.  It seems like they just wanted to spread the love. 

Upon further reflection, my roommate and I both felt reminded of mortality with this extra R.  As if, on this day celebrating the person who gave us life, we should also recognize the other end of that line - our eventual death. 

So many questions surrounding this sign, the answers to which we will never know.  And somehow all of it together, helps me to just focus on the real focus of the message. Happy and today. 

Wisdom

Yesterday I participated in a local elementary school's "Poetry Cafe" event.  All the forth grade classes had been working on writing their own poetry and each student composed a small book of their poems.  The teachers organized an event where all the classes got together for each student to share a poem from their book.  They asked a few local poets to also come in and share their work. I felt honored to be among the poets there - and I'm not just talking about the others who were asked to come, thought they were great too.    

Those forth graders really know what's up.  The honesty in their poetry is something I strive for.  I so love that these kids have the opportunity to learn value of sharing their words and I hope their inherent wisdom is affirmed for them. 

After we shared, we got to mingle with the kids a bit and here is what this one kid shared with me.  He was showing me the book he made, called, "A Poem in Every One." At the end, he wrote a little bit about himself which ended with something like, "...and don't forget, there is a poem in a every one." He made "everyone" two words, but we can just call that poetic license. I got what he meant and also told him that he is right and so so wise. 

Its not everyday that I am blown away by a 10-year-old, but I think that is more a fact of not being around them rather than their being a lack of amazing kids. Sometimes I think they know more than we do and that our knowledge is really us just trying to remember what we already knew then. 

Ma

Since it is going to be Mother's day on Sunday, I thought I'd share my poem about the divine mother. Here it is:

She is like an egg

all round and wobbly,

ceaselessly performing 

that silly dance, making 

sense of space surrounding her.

She is rooted in her own navel,

soil pregnant with possibilities. 

Her trunk, with rings infinite,

is proud to see the fruition of time;

when the wind picks up,

she sways smiling. 

Her limbs stretch through creation

so that she may playfully place

crowns on all her children,

with no exception.

And        when        we        fall

whether it be from floor fifteen,

from fascination, or from grace,

she is that perfect      permanent      pillow,

who swallows us whole

into her linen and feathers,

and then gently eases us 

back to the surface

so that we may again take a look 

at this bright, revolving world

that we had somehow forgotten how to see.

-Nyssa Rhiannon

04/30/05

Maurice

I just heard on The Story that Maurice Sendak died this week. Not sure how to exactly express how I feel right now, but in the least I'd like to highlight his last interview with Terry Gross earlier this year, that I had actually blogged about previously.

My blessings to his spirit as it is now free. I'm thankful he is no longer lonely, joining his loved ones who left already, and that he was among us, reminding us of childhood and what it means to live.

__

In looking up the links to these interviews, I was reminded that Maurice was also recently on Colbert, also something worth checking out. Colbert shared with Maurice his idea for a children's book and the actual book was coincidentally released on the day of Maurice's passing. The only thing I have to say to that is WOW.  Read it here.

Remember

So I missed a day. I thought about it last night right as I was going to sleep, but decided that I was too relaxed and it was already late enough that it was okay.  Good thing this blog is called, "Not So Seriously." It really eases up the need for perfection and makes it more play.

Last night we had our first meal together with the new roommate.  My current roommate and I reflected on our almost 3 years together, how we've learned about each other, ourselves. Before we moved in together, I almost lived by myself but through some divine weaving the universe brought me this roommate who's been a great match for me.  We've both done really well at recognizing the truth beyond general roommate disputes. Through consistent and honest communication, we've turned our disagreements into lessons about who we are.  Personal growth is just a natural by-product of this process.    But it also means recognizing when our actions come out of a need for control and discerning the most compassionate way to express our opinions (or if communication is necessary at all).  Its hard work, but totally worth it.

I was reminded of this idea I had that was on a post-it note on my desk for a long time. It read:

The clash of otherness

creates the possibility

for the transcendence 

of duality. 

Looking back, I can see how this statement informs much of what I offer to the world. To remember actually means to come together (-member), again (re-).  When we come together with others, are able to cross the bridge, we have the opportunity to meet the divine in them and recognize it as ourselves.  But this takes practice. I am thankful to both my roommates for allowing this opportunity for each of us to become more of who we are. 

Less

In the past several months I've made it my mission to minimize my stuff.  Having only moved four times in my entire life, I feel like I've missed out on great opportunities to get rid of a substantial amount of stuff. I have started to learn that I really don't need that much and am working at the non-attachment to things. As I have purged a little more than collected lately, I've started to see that I don't miss the things I decide to part with even if I had them "forever."

In the middle of a major cleaning, organizing, and sorting session yesterday I took a little break and found this Ted talk to keep me motivated.

Mahna

Just a little fun I was introduced to the other day:



Boy, is there a special place in my hearts for muppets.

Thirty

Earlier this week I made the decision to begin this blog and write at least one post, however simple or short, everyday. On the next day I saw that the Sacred Tremor had started a 30 day project and was encouraging others to do so as well. There was a link to this TED video and watching it has probably changed my life.


I love this idea of doing something (or not doing something) or 30 days. There are so many changes I'd love to make in my life, some of which I have been thinking about for years.  Like over 10 years. I'm at the time in my life where I'm realizing people in their early twenties are no longer my peers. I'm getting older but still want to learn new tricks. It seems the 30 day scheme is the way to do it.

Home

For the past few months, I've been getting closer and closer to moving out of my "home office" - the third bedroom with over flow stuff that doesn't get used much - and finding someone who'd like to live in that room.  In fact, both my current roommate and I had someone close to us that almost needed a new place to live and tentatively planned to move in.

One of which was in early April and it seemed like we'd have someone in here by May. Circumstances for this person changed so they remained where they were at, but I had energetically started to open that room up. My work things in there were slowly getting moved to my actual work office and I had mentally started to compose the craigslist add that would bring the right person to live in our house.

Not only that, but I started to imagine the feeling of being relieved financially.  Though I have loved having the space I've had, I don't feel like I need it anymore. I've started to realize the richness of having less stuff. Less to clean, take care of, find time to use.  The more I get rid of, the more I see how I don't miss what I get rid of.

And then, just like that, it happened. Yesterday a friend of mine asked if I was still considering looking for someone else move in, she was in a situation that she needed to find a new place.  We were already getting together this morning anyways and so I had her come over to check the place out. By noon she had given me a rent check for this month and we made enough space in the room for her bed. I was able to get most of my stuff out of the room this afternoon. Though she will take a bit to move in completely, she is sleeping here tonight.

I am so happy. I feel her energy is great here. She is thankful to be here. Home is a happy place to be.

Open

There is this really amazing open mic every Thursday night at Cafe Hey.  Called the "Open Heart Open Mind Open Mic," it is a place where anyone can share anything. Its incredible what happens in that space. I am lucky enough to say I've had something to do with it.

Started almost 4 years ago with my friend Penny, our open mic has become well-known as a place to come and be yourself.  It is the main focus of Door Stop Productions, a love-project created to connect with community artists and explore the power of live performance.

This picture is from the open mic tonight, which was one of those that felt even more synergistic than others.  We had a great crowd, ranging from 1 to I don't know 60...70?  Here's a pic of Micah fascinated by Zane's harmonica.

There was a great range of poetry, comedy, and music and a genuine appreciation for each performer from the whole audience.  I don't know what it is like for people that come in for the first time, but I hope it's like they just walked into a gathering of family that they didn't even know they had yet. 

Greens!

Until this afternoon, I hadn't had a salad in over a week. In fact, I think most green veggies, raw or cooked, had mysteriously left my diet. I will say the excuse was being on vacation last week which lends itself to eating food that tastes good but not really good for you.

But really, my health won't accept excuses.

So today I broke my green fast. Before I left the house this morning, I went and picked a bunch of the kale that is still growing in our garden (yes, we have an abundance of kale in the backyard and I was ignoring it - ridiculous!).  At lunch time, I washed the kale and cut it into small pieces. Then added some olive oil and did what makes kale the best: massaged it.

I only discovered kale a few years ago but soon learned how squeezing and kneeding the leaves makes the hard fibers more limp and easier to consume. Plus, as a massage therapist, such an intimate relationship with my food felt natural.

Well, when I did this today I was reminded of another reason why I love this vegetable: the smell. When you start massaging the kale it emits a smell of earth and life. Its like if the smell of dirt was yang, this smell it its corresponding yin.

I topped it off with some cilantro, chicken, seseme seeds, and sliced almonds with a miso-ginger dressing.

And how did I feel afterwards? What do you think? Awesome! Trying less to wonder what took me so long and more to remember how good it tasted and felt. 

New

Part of my intention here is to write through my journey in a more in depth study of yoga.  I've practiced on and off for 10 years and see the great value of a consistent practice.  But I would like to be more consistent! With yoga, with writing, with everything.

So I attended a class tonight.  I realized earlier in the day that I had the opportunity and probably wouldn't most of the rest of the week.  It is also the first of the month which is a great time to start anything. Even if it turns out to be a Tuesday. 

When it came time to leave the house, I left the house. Even through the thoughts of, "I can get something done..." I walked out the door and started driving to the studio. I still had thoughts of resistance driving there and walking in. But then I immediately saw someone I knew, and then another, and then another. I got to practice alongside a friend of mine who I didn't even know was going to be there.  It was a stellar constellation. 

Several hours later, I still feel wonderful.  I did some asanas I don't remember doing before, like reverse table top:

I am so thankful I went and plan to have more reverse table tops and many other new ways to become more embodied in my future!

Maintain

Keeping up is hard to do.

I hear my mom saying the key is to just get started. I seem to be good at that part, but it is the keeping up that is the hardest.  Like staying with a practice for longer than a few weeks. This is my attempt at that.

Write here everyday. About anything. And see what happens. This is my plan...